i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
