belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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