I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
