PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
