I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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