Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
