Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
