And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
