A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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