I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
