So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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