Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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