the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
