im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
