dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
