They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
