if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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