let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
