my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
