I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
