But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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