I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
home. puking in laundry basket.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
