I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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