I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
