I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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