i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
