i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
please come you make the beer taste better
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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