how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
