I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
