Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
