yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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