I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize