Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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