Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize