Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How does one acquire holy water?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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