Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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