I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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