Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
