If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
