i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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