96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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