Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
