didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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