i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
