Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
