maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
