look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
