my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
