i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
