He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
