im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You don't make any sense
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