She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
