She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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