Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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