Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Someone shattered a urinal.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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