so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
