so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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