glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
