girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And then the night went full on bisexual.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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