just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
