If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
