Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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