The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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