So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
