You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize