Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I could make wine with my vomit
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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