Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
