fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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