I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The uberlube is also flammable
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
