We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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